Saturday, December 26, 2020

18 - Conclusions

18 – Two Conclusions

18.1 – Conclusion # one


Here you have in a very condensed form the information you can or should remember about (your) emotions and how you can deal with them and how to use them in your four-dimensional time-space of daily life: 

Listen as your day unfolds 
Challenge what the future holds 
Try and keep your head up to the sky 
Lovers, they may cause you tears 
Go ahead release your fears 
Stand up and be counted 
Don't be ashamed to cry 

You gotta be 
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold 
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard 
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger 
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm 
You gotta stay together 
All I know, all I know, love will save the day 

18.2 – Conclusion # two

Learn from and adapt to the only faithful travel companion you will ever have. Remember for a last time and never forget, that in all places and at any time, where ever you are and whatever you desire, whatever you do or don’t do and if you like it or not, there is only one truth- and faithful companion in your life who never changes and who never will leave you – never ever!! 

Some more spiritual interested people call this companion Annica, whereas more natural science oriented people label it as the Second law of Thermodynamics

Medium level average folks like you and me call it: CHANGE, but that is actually a misnomer, since CHANGE is the only thing that doesn’t change! So, we shouldn’t call change “change”, since it doesn’t change at all! Looks like there is some kind of labelling paradox here, but lets not get too excited and nonetheless keep in mind and adapt to the fact that: 

Todo cambia

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

19 - Resources

19 – Resources and bibliotherapy

But these stories don’t mean anything 
When you’ve got no one to tell them to

 All the information contained in this blog exists somewhere in the www, even the books, but I still list the most used of them here.

In search of lost HAPPINESS 

•  Turker Bas, Joy-ology – The chemistry of happiness, 2017 

•  David D. Burns, Feeling good – The new mood therapy, 1990 
•  David Di Salvo, What makes your brain happy and why you should do the opposite, 2011 

•  Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling upon happiness, 2006 

•  Russ Harris, The happiness trap, 2016 

 Your guardian angel: FEAR 

•  Gavin de Becker, The gift of fear, 1999 

•  Susan Jeffers, Feel the fear and do it anyway, 2014 

•  Catherine M. Pittman and Elizabeth M. Karle, Rewire your anxious brain: How to use the Neuroscience of fear to end anxiety, panic, and worry, 2015 

Rebel with a cause: ANGER

•  F. Remy Diederich, Stuck: How to overcome your anger and reclaim your life, 2012 

•  Beverly Flanigan, Forgiving the Unforgiveable, 2008 

•  John H. Lee, Facing the Fire - Experiencing and expressing anger appropiately, 1993 

•  Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Connection - How to talk to someone when you’re mad, hurt, scared, frustrated, insulted, betrayed, or desperate, 2009 

 Journey from the break of sunset to the end of night: 
 SADNESS and more 

•  Joan Didion, The year of magical thinking, 2009 

•  Linda Gask, The other side of silence: A Psychiatrist’s memoir of depression, 2015 

•  Matt Haig, Reasons to stay alive, 2015 

•  Johann Hari, Lost connections – Why you’re depressed and how to find hope, 2018 

•  Julia Samuel, Grief Works – Stories of life, death and surviving, 2017 

•  William Styron, Darkness visible, 2010 

•  Francis Weller, The Wild Edge of Sorrow - Rituals of renewal and the sacred work of Grief, 2015 

•  Lewis Wolpert, Malignant sadness. The anatomy of sadness, 2011 

•  J. William Worden, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, 2002 

 Lost in the labyrinth of the Minotaur: DESIRE

 • Judson Brewer, The craving mind, 2017 

 • William B. Irvine, On Desire – Why we want what we want, 2006 

 • Daniel H. Pink, Drive – the surprising truth about what motivates us, 2010 

No theory of life seemed to him to be of any importance 
compared with life itself. 
Oscar Wilde 


Without music, 
life would be a mistake. 

Adrift in the vast ocean of GUILT and SHAME 

•  Daniel Green and Mel Lawrenz, Overcoming guilt and shame, 2014 

•  Matt Haig, The midnight library, 2020 

•  Anne S. Hastings, Shedding shame workbook, 2020 

•  Michael Lewis, Shame – The exposed self, 1995 

•  Carolyn Spring, Unshame - Healing trauma-based shame through psychotherapy, 2019 

•  William Stewart, Understanding guilt and shame in Counselling and Psychotherapy 

Let’s feel together: EMPATHY 

•  Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person, 1999 

•  Paul Bloom, Against empathy – The case for radical compassion, 2017 

•  Tara Brach, Radical acceptance, 2012 

•  Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On homecoming and belonging, 2016 

•  Roman Krznaric, Empathy – Why it matters, and how to get it, 2013 

•  Harriet Lerner, Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing big betrayals and everyday hurts, 2017 

•  Jane and Tim McGregor, The Empathy Trap: Understanding Antisocial Personalities, 2013 

•  Cami Zac, Empathy: A guide to deal with imperfections and developing your gifts as strength, 2019 

Somewhere over the rainbow of LIMERENCE 

•  C. L. Grant, Ex-addict – How to stop obsessive thinking and break the cycle of love addiction, 2014 

•  Liz Hodgkinson, Obsessive love, 1991 

•  Boris Shipov, The Theory of Romantic Love, 2019 

•  Dorothy Tennov, Love and limerence. The experience of being in love, 1999 

Somewhere over the rainbow 
Way up high 
  All you need is LOVE

•  Kirsten Bailey, Can I give my husband back?, 2020 

•  Kirsten Bailey, Did my love shrink in the wash?, 2021 

•  Kirsten Bailey, How much wine will fix my broken heart?, 2021 

•  David M. Buss, The evolution of desire – Strategies of human mating, 1994 

•  Helen Fisher, The anatomy of love: A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray, 2016 

•  Sigmund Freud, The psychology of love (compilation of different texts), 2006 

•  Karen Gurney, Mind the Gap: The truth about desire, and sex, 2020 

•  Masha Halevi, The freedom to choose – Rethinking monogamy, marriage and relationships, 2021 

•  J. R. Jesse, Lovers unmasked, 2014 

•  Simon May, Love: A History, 2011 

•  Clare Myatt, Love & imperfection. A therapist’s story, 2019 

•  Tazmyn Ozga, Mono in a Poly world – What to do when your partner is polyamorous and you aren’t, 2021 

•  Esther Perel, The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity, 2017 

•  Neil Strauss, The Truth – An uncomfortable book about relationships, 2015 

•  Jenny Yuen, Polyamorous: Living and loving more, 2018

 May the force be with you: COURAGE 

•  Khaled Hosseini, The Kite runner, 2003

•  Katie Roiphe, The violet hour, 2016

The (emotional) history of humans:
Evolutionary psychology 

•  Richard Dawkins, The Magic of Reality: How we know what’s really true, 2012 

•  Robin Dunbar et al., Evolutionary Psychology, 2007 

•  Ronald Giphard and Mark van Vugt, Mismatch – How our stone age brain deceives us every day and what we can do about it, 2018 

•  Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens – A brief history of mankind, 2011 

• Joseph LeDoux, The deep history of ourselves. The four-billion-year story of how we got conscious brains, 2019 

•  Matthew D. Lieberman, Social – Why our brains are wired to connect, 2013 

•  Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa, Why beautiful people have more daughters, 2007

 •  Sy Montgomery, The Soul of an Octopus: A surprising exploration into the wonder of Consciousness, 2016

 • Randolph M. Nesse, Good reasons for bad feelings – Insights from the frontier of evolutionary Psychiatry, 2019 

•  Gad Saad, The Cosuming Instinct – What juicy burgers, Ferraris, pornography, and gift giving reveal about Human Nature, 2019 

•  Rober M. Sapolsky, Why zebras don’t get ulcers, 2004 

•  Rober M. Sapolsky, Behave – The biology of humans at our best and worst, 2017 

•  Neil Shubin, Some assembly required. Decoding four billion years of life, from ancient fossils to DNA, 2020 

•  Ajit Varki, Denial: Self-Deception, False Beliefs, and the Origins of the Human Mind, 2013 

•  Frans de Waal, Mama's Last Hug – Animal emotions and what they teach us about ourselves, 2019 

Emotions and/or feelings 

•  Marc Brackett, Permission to Feel: Unlock the power of emotions to help yourself and your children thrive, 2019 

•  Neel Burton, Hide and seek – The psychology of self-deception, 2012 

•  Neel Burton, Heaven and hell – The psychology of the emotions, 2020 

•  Richard J. Davidson w. Sharon Beglay, The emotional life of your brain, 2012 

•  Bernadine Fawcett, The logic of emotions, 2002 

•  Lisa Feldman Barrett, How emotions are made – The secret life of the brain, 2017 

•  Giovanni Frazzetto, Joy, guilt, anger, love – What Neuroscience can – and can’t - tell us about how we feel, 2013 

•  John H. Lee, Growing Yourself Back Up - Understanding emotional regression, 

•  Violetta Malaterre, Managing feelings: The algorithm, 2019 

•  Karla McLaren, The Language of Emotions, 2009 

•  Dan Newby and Lucy Nuñez, The Unopened Gift: A primer in emotional literacy, 2017 

•  Jan Plamper, The history of emotions, 2015 

Brain - mind in general

•  John Bargh, Before you know it – The unconscious reasons we do what we do, 2017 

•  Niels Birbaumer, Your brain knows more than you think, 2017 

•  Dean Burnett, The Idiot Brain. A Neuroscientist explains what your head is really up to, 2017 

•  Antonio Damasio, Descartes’ error: Emotion, reason and the human brain, 2008 

•  David Eagleman, Incognito – The secret lives of the brain, 2011 

•  David Eagleman, The Brain: – The story of you, 2015 

•  David Eagleman, Livewired – The Inside story of the ever-changing brain, 2020 

•  Susan Greenfield, A day in the life of the brain. The Neuroscience of consciousness, 2016 

•  Rudolph C. Hatfield, The everything guide to the human brain, 2013 

•  Barbara K. Lipska, The neuroscientist who lost her mind – A memoir of madness and recovery, 2018 

•  Leonard Mlodinow, Subliminal: The revolution of the new Unconscious and what it teaches us about ourselves, 2013 

•  Zeev Nitsan, The Brain Show – Behind the scenes. What is going on inside our brain while we are living our life, 2017 

•  Allan H. Ropper, Reaching down the rabbit hole. Extraordinary journeys into the human brain, 2014 

•  Kevin Simler and Robin Hanson, The elephant in the brain. Hidden motives in everday life, 2018 

Body – brain - mind connection 

•  Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, At the speed of life – The power of body intelligence to create transformational magic, 2019 

•  Bessel van der Kolk, The body keeps the score – Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma, 2014 

•  Jonah Lehrer, Proust was a neuroscientist, 2008 

•  Peter A. Levine with Ann Frederick, Waking the tiger – Healing trauma, 1997 

•  Jo Marchant, Cure: A journey into the science of mind over body, 2016 

•  Gabor Maté, When the body says no – The cost of hidden stress, 2019 

•  Chris Niebauer, No Self, No Problem: How Neuropsychology is catching up to Buddhism, 2019 

•  Suzanne O’Sullivan, It’s all in your head – True stories of imaginary illness, 2015 

•  John J. Ratey and Eric Hagerman, Spark! – How exercise will improve the performance of your brain, 2008 

•  John J. Ratey and Richard Wanning, Go wild!, 2014 

•  John E. Sarno, Mind over Back Pain: A radically new approach to the diagnosis and treatment of back pain, 1986 

•  Jessica Stern, Denial: A memoir of terror, 2010 
•  Mark Walsh, Embodiment – Moving beyond mindfulness, 2020 

Sympathy for some molecules

•  Carl Hart, High price: Drugs, neuroscience, and discovering myself, 2013 

•  Aldous Huxley, The doors of perception, 1954 

•  Caroline Knapp, Drinking – A love story, 1996 

•  David Levitin, This is your brain on music. Understanding a human obsession, 2006 

•  Gabor Maté, In the realm of hungry ghosts, 2010 

•  Michael Pollan, How to change your mind. The new science of Psychedelics, 2018 

•  Anne Wilson Schaef, When society becomes addict, 2013 

•  Andrew L. Stoll, The Omega-3 connection: How you can restore your mental wellbeing and treat memory loss and depression, 2012 

•  Maia Szalavitz, Unbroken brain – A revolutionary new way of understanding addiction, 2016 

•  Robert E. Thayer, Calm Energy. How people regulate mood with food and exercise, 2001 

•  Paul Zak, The moral molecule – The new science of what makes us good or evil, 2012

Well it just goes to show 
Things are not what they seem 

 Surface acting on the stage of make believe

•  Dan Ariely, The (Honest) truth about Dishonesty: How we lie to everyone – especially ourselves, 2012 

•  Mark Bowden and Tracey Thomson, Truth and Lies: What people are really thinking, 2018 

•  Bill Eddy, 5 types of people who can ruin your life, 2018 

•  Thomas Erikson, Surrounded by idiots: The four types of human behaviour (or, how to understand those who cannot be understood), 2019 

•  Thomas Erikson, Surrounded by Psychopaths: or, how to stop being exploited by others, 2020 

•  Jon Frederickson, The lies we tell ourselves, 2017 

•  Stephen Nachmanovitch, Free Play – Improvisation in art and life, 1990 

•  Robert S. Pepper, Some people don’t want what they say they want, 2017 

•  Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, Everybody lies – What the Internet can tell us about who we really are, 2017 

•  Robert I. Sutton, The asshole survival guide, 2017 

The human body 

•  Amanda Blake, Your body is your brain, 2018 

•  Sandra and Matthew Blakeslee, The body has a mind of its own, 2007 

•  Bill Bryson, The Body – a guide for occupants, 2019 

•  Amy Cuddy, Presence – Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges, 2015 

•  Claire Dale and Patricia Peyton, Physical Intelligence, 2019 

•  Russell Jones, Sense. Unlock your senses and improve your life, 2020 

•  Daniel Lieberman, The story of the human body. Evolution, health and disease, 2013 

NeuroBiology and NeuroDiversity

•  Elizabeth Andersen, Vagus nerve and Polyvagal theory, 2020 

•  Kevin Dutton, The wisdom of Psychopaths, 2012 

•  Gary Fike, The Polyvagal theory, 2020
•  Ian Ford, A field guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior, 2010

•  Matt Haig, The humans, 2013

•  Laura Hill, Interpersonal Neurobiology and Polyvagal theory, 2019 

•  Laura James, Odd girl out: Autistic Women in a Neurotypical world, 2017

•  Aage R. Moller, Neurobiology of fear, anxiety and other emotions, 2019

  Jenara Nerenberg, Divergent mind - Thriving in a world that wasn't designed for you, 2020 

  Camilla Pang, Explaining Humans – What science can teach us about life, love and relationships, 2020

•  Steve Silberman, NeuroTribes – The legacy of Autism and how to think smarter about people who think differently, 2015 

•  Judy Singer, NeuroDiversity – The birth of an idea, 2017

•  Jordan Smoller, The other side of normal – How biology is providing the clues to unlock the secrets of normal and abnormal behavior, 2012 
•  Helen Thomson, Unthinkable: An extraordinary journey through the world’s strangest brains, 2018 

Subjects supposed to know and their more or less tentative guesses (therapies) on how to cushion the emotional injuries of modern life 

•  Aaron T. Beck, Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders, 1979 

•  Joseph Burgo, Why do I do that? Psychological defense mechanisms and the hidden ways they shape our lives, 2012 

•  Christine Caldwell, Getting our bodies back. Recovery, healing, and transformation through body-centered Psychotherapy, 2013 

•  Pia Callesen, Live more think less, 2020 

•  Asha Dinesh, From the diary of a psychologist, 2019 

•  Hale Dwoskin, The Sedona method, 2009 

•  Albert Ellis and Windy Dryden, The practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 1997 

•  Bud Feder, Gestalt Group Therapy, 2013 

•  Lori Gottlieb, Maybe you should talk to someone, 2019 

•  Sudhir Kakar, The Analyst and the mystic, 1991 

•  Byron Katie, Loving what is, 2008 
•  Cedar R. Koons, The mindfulness solution for intense emotions, 2016

•  Jeffrey Kottler and Jon Carlson (Ed.), Duped – Lies and deception in Psychotherapy, 2011
•  Jeffrey M. Masson, Against therapy. Emotional tyranny and the myth of psychological healing, 2012 

•  Ron Mottern, Living well. A guide to Cognitive Behavioral skills exercises, 2019 

•  Nossrat Peseschkian, Positive Psychotherapy, 2016 

•  Ryker Placid, The Polyvagal theory in therapy, 2020 

•  David Servan-Schreiber, Healing without Freud and Prozac, 2011 

•  Len Sperry and Jon Carlson, How Master therapists work – Effecting change from the first to the last session and beyond, 2014

•  Christie Tate, Group – How one therapist and a circle of strangers saved my life, 2020 

•  Mark Tyrell, New ways of seeing, 2014 

•  Bruce E. Wampold and Zac E. Imel, The Great Psychotherapy Debate: The evidence for what makes psychotherapy work, 2015 

•  Guy Winch, Emotional First Aid, 2013 

•  Irvin D. Yalom, The gift of therapy, 2012 

Fiction (more or less)

•  Paul Auster, Winter Journal, 2012 

•  Sigmund Freud, The psychopathology of everday life, 1904 

•  Sigmund Freud, The future of an illusion, 1927 

•  Sigmund Freud, Civilization and its discontents, 1930 

•  John Gray, The silence of animals, 2013 

•  John Gray, Straw dogs: Thoughts on humans and other animals, 2015 

•  John Gray, Feline Philosophy – Cats and the meaning of life, 2020 

•  Yuval Noah Harari, Homo Deus – A brief history of tomorrow, 2016 

•  Milan Kundera, The unbearable lightness of being, 1984 

•  Niccolo Machiavelli, The prince 

•  Katherine Mansfield, Bliss, and other stories, 2014  

•  Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The shadow of the wind, 2009 

•  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The little prince 

•  Bernhard Schlink, The reader, 2011 

•  David Sedaris, Me talk pretty one day, 2013 

•  Christa Wolf, Cassandra, 2013 

•  Virginia Woolf, To the lighthouse, 2004 

•  Dushka Zapata, Feelings are fickle and other things I wish someone had told me, 2020


The Yaksha asked: “What is the greatest surprise?” 
Yudhisthira replied: “………” 
The Mahabharata

Monday, December 21, 2020

F - 20 - Author

20 - About the author of this blog

 You may call me Hamu (somebody once said to a friend that “Mamut had called”), I’m already retired, and, apart from my more or less normal life experiences (things that happened during my life, some situations were more welcomed than others), I worked over 25 years as a trainer and facilitator of learning groups in enterprises and vocational training institutions, mostly in Spain, but I did a few workshops in Colombia and Mexico.
My wife and me in 1992. Nearly 30 years ago the old camera took much better photos than the digital ones in the present. On a photo taken with a digital camera today I look like a Shar Pei, only with a lot more wrinkles!  😭 (Attention please: No shaming of Shar Pei beings intended! I hope that nobody of them will read that part!). 



Thank you India 

Thank you terror 

Thank you disillusionment 

Thank you frailty

Thank you consequence 

Thank you, thank you silence


Gratitude for the things life will offer or impose on us: Amor fati.

Thanx, Merci, Gracias, Danke, നന്ദി.


4 - Emotions 1

1.1 – Visual example of how emotions are evoked   First test: If you don’t sense or feel anything moving in your body-mind unit after having...